{baby update}

we've felt so blessed by all the support and prayers for us and baby. thank you!

here is an update:
i spoke with my doctor today. she said that on monday when i get the ultrasound estimating baby's weight, if baby hasn't gained at least one pound (the last weight estimated was 4lbs 14oz 12 days ago), she is going to send me directly back to the hospital for induction (meaning they will use drugs to make my labor begin). initially i felt alarmed at the immediacy of that idea but i completely agree that if they feel that baby is at risk for some reason, for example, "why is baby not gaining weight appropriately, esp in these last weeks when babies typically gain lots of weight", then i also want baby out. i am 38 weeks tomorrow so there is no reason to really wait if they feel something isn't right.

the harder part to reconcile for myself is that i really wanted a natural birth and with induction (pitocin drugs) and being continuously monitored (because of baby's small size), it will be SO MUCH harder to do that since the contractions will be so much stronger/intense and i won't be able to walk at all or move around as much due to the continuous monitoring... i had also really hoped for no drugs (whether epidural or pitocin because all these things reach baby and i didn't want baby drugged) so that's a bit unexpected and makes me remember that i really need to let go and be flexible with how things will go because it's all in God's plan.

all this to say that we'd love your prayers - i believe that God can fatten baby up if He wants to so that is what we'll ask for.

please pray:
1. that baby fattens up so much more than we can hope and that it's a miracle how much growth she's had thus allowing labor to start as it will on its own (but of course not too much growth since we don't want her humongous).
2. that the sonographer on monday would be accurate in her estimate of baby's weight since her measurement will decide a lot.
3. that we would fully trust our doc's recommendations and feel at peace with whatever decisions are made on monday.
4. that even if there is pitocin and continuous monitoring - for a smooth and uncomplicated labor, even "easy", in relative terms of course.
5. that calvin and i are emotionally prepped and that we will fully rest in His plan for us and baby.

there's probably so much more i would love prayer for but please pray as you feel led since i can't think of it all and can't possibly state it as clearly as i would want to. lots of different things are running through my head right now.

overall, i feel okay. i randomly feel panicky as it's all so unpredictable and come monday morning, so much will be revealed. so, pray with us please! :) thank you.

{ emotions }

today i am feeling sad. i went to my doctor's appt in the early am and met with the last doctor in the practice. she's got the least "warm" bedside manner of the 4 doctor's in the practice and she said, "your baby is VERY small", which really didn't make me feel better since she didn't offer me help in how to make baby bigger. she also commented that i am high risk... now that certainly didn't feel good.

next i headed over to my hospital visit where i was to get the biophysical profile and the non-stress test. my spirit was a bit dampened already since the doctor wasn't encouraging regarding baby's size and then baby apparently didn't really feel like being monitored so i had to stay for quite some time with the nurse (who is nice) every so often roughly shaking my belly to make baby wake up. even though there was nothing wrong with what she was doing and normally i don't think i would've been too bothered, today it made me very sad. i was saddened that baby needed to be monitored so much when just 1.5 weeks ago all was well and things seemed perfectly normal and fine. the biophysical profile was fine. everything seems to be okay there according to the sonographer and reading doctor. i am thankful for the good news. i thought we'd get another reading on baby's size but i was informed that they do weight readings every 2 weeks so baby has time to grow.

i prayed a lot to God to lift my spirits because i would start tearing just thinking about all the tests baby has to go through. so many ultrasounds and being monitored by the fetal monitor in the coming weeks. and being pushed and jostled so she would "pass" these tests. i also wanted my spirits lifted because if i'm sad, then baby may feel my sadness and i didn't want that. last week i felt fine - maybe the emotional burden of all of this has just started to hit me more.

please pray that baby continues to gain weight and that in a week or so when we check her weight, that she has put on enough poundage to make us no longer high risk and higher than the 10th percentile in weight. we really appreciate your prayers and know that God hears them.