{ emotions }

today i am feeling sad. i went to my doctor's appt in the early am and met with the last doctor in the practice. she's got the least "warm" bedside manner of the 4 doctor's in the practice and she said, "your baby is VERY small", which really didn't make me feel better since she didn't offer me help in how to make baby bigger. she also commented that i am high risk... now that certainly didn't feel good.

next i headed over to my hospital visit where i was to get the biophysical profile and the non-stress test. my spirit was a bit dampened already since the doctor wasn't encouraging regarding baby's size and then baby apparently didn't really feel like being monitored so i had to stay for quite some time with the nurse (who is nice) every so often roughly shaking my belly to make baby wake up. even though there was nothing wrong with what she was doing and normally i don't think i would've been too bothered, today it made me very sad. i was saddened that baby needed to be monitored so much when just 1.5 weeks ago all was well and things seemed perfectly normal and fine. the biophysical profile was fine. everything seems to be okay there according to the sonographer and reading doctor. i am thankful for the good news. i thought we'd get another reading on baby's size but i was informed that they do weight readings every 2 weeks so baby has time to grow.

i prayed a lot to God to lift my spirits because i would start tearing just thinking about all the tests baby has to go through. so many ultrasounds and being monitored by the fetal monitor in the coming weeks. and being pushed and jostled so she would "pass" these tests. i also wanted my spirits lifted because if i'm sad, then baby may feel my sadness and i didn't want that. last week i felt fine - maybe the emotional burden of all of this has just started to hit me more.

please pray that baby continues to gain weight and that in a week or so when we check her weight, that she has put on enough poundage to make us no longer high risk and higher than the 10th percentile in weight. we really appreciate your prayers and know that God hears them.


cavitybuster said...

aww, baby will ok!! denise had to go sit w/the monitor, too. she said that it helped to go around lunch time, or right after you eat.. and then your baby may wake up and you don't have to sit as long. also, she/john got a little scare w/the baby's HR going low a couple of times... but baby sophie came out just fine! :)

Dee said...

hi carol =) i was high risk too and had to do the nst 2x/week... mine was the opposite... worried about large baby... sophie ended up being 7lb 10 oz and 20 inches. just tall!! =p and now she is under weight... yeah, i ate lunch and brought snacks like crackers and nuts and drink. go when u feel like ur baby is the most active. i did minr around 1pm. once i went at 3pm, and sophie was snoozing! they nap too!! that appt was twice as long and they buzzed her twice with a vibrator thing! keep it up... baby lai will arrive soon!!!

carollai said...

aww. thanks sisters. :)

7 lbs 10 oz is a great size. also, did bridget tell you that we may likely name our baby gal sophia? :) very close to the lovely name of your baby gal. denise, when you are free, i'd love to hear your birth story... you can FB message me.

i don't like all the labels. "very small", "high risk"... it makes me feel more anxious than i think is really necessary. and so much of the time, the estimates are off. though, honestly, everyone (medical-wise) seems to feel that baby is small... so we'll have to see when she comes out. i decided to up my protein intake - hopefully that will help her gain more weight.

thanks for the encouragement and prayers guys.

Shauna said...

I believe with all my heart that everything is going to be okay! Try to relax the best you can and be calm, knowing that God has it all under control! I'll be praying for you and yours, for health, peace and happiness.


Cherry Blossoms said...

Hi Carol!
First of all let me just say that I LOVE your jewelry! Secondly, you and your baby will be in my prayers. As a mother I know how scary it can be not being in control of a situation {especially pregnancy}...Thirdly, Thank you SO very much for stopping by my blog and entering the Japanese Weekend Giveaway! I wish you all the best of luck! Please keep me updated with your pregnancy!

Warmest Wishes,
Cherry Blossoms {The Blog}

Kathleen said...

praying for you and baby!!!

carollai said...

thanks for all the prayers and words of support. i feel much better now - and am reminded that God is in all of this. :)