{ emotions }

today i am feeling sad. i went to my doctor's appt in the early am and met with the last doctor in the practice. she's got the least "warm" bedside manner of the 4 doctor's in the practice and she said, "your baby is VERY small", which really didn't make me feel better since she didn't offer me help in how to make baby bigger. she also commented that i am high risk... now that certainly didn't feel good.

next i headed over to my hospital visit where i was to get the biophysical profile and the non-stress test. my spirit was a bit dampened already since the doctor wasn't encouraging regarding baby's size and then baby apparently didn't really feel like being monitored so i had to stay for quite some time with the nurse (who is nice) every so often roughly shaking my belly to make baby wake up. even though there was nothing wrong with what she was doing and normally i don't think i would've been too bothered, today it made me very sad. i was saddened that baby needed to be monitored so much when just 1.5 weeks ago all was well and things seemed perfectly normal and fine. the biophysical profile was fine. everything seems to be okay there according to the sonographer and reading doctor. i am thankful for the good news. i thought we'd get another reading on baby's size but i was informed that they do weight readings every 2 weeks so baby has time to grow.

i prayed a lot to God to lift my spirits because i would start tearing just thinking about all the tests baby has to go through. so many ultrasounds and being monitored by the fetal monitor in the coming weeks. and being pushed and jostled so she would "pass" these tests. i also wanted my spirits lifted because if i'm sad, then baby may feel my sadness and i didn't want that. last week i felt fine - maybe the emotional burden of all of this has just started to hit me more.

please pray that baby continues to gain weight and that in a week or so when we check her weight, that she has put on enough poundage to make us no longer high risk and higher than the 10th percentile in weight. we really appreciate your prayers and know that God hears them.