Happy 4th birthday!

Sweet SP. You turned 4 today! Time has felt both fast and slow. This past year had some of the most challenging moments {in terms of managing your misbehavior and disobedience} and thankfully we have made it up to the top of the hill and are coming back down. 

In hindsight I know that the entrance of the little guy was so difficult for you and I wish I had been able to make it easier for you. To support you in your sadness and to build you up so you knew that whoever entered our family, you would not be lost or replaced. We are each so special because we are each a gift from God. 

{top frame: annual watching of your entrance into the world where you asked, "why am I all red when I come out?" Good question love.}

{bottom frame: (left) you are a month there. (right) a week before you turned 4.}

Despite the challenges we have had plenty of fun. You have such a zest for life and truly enjoy spending time with your aunties, uncles and friends. This is quite an answered prayer as we often pray for you to have a great love for Jesus and His people. 

You talk so much now (and so fast: you're a true New Yorker!) and your current favorite thing to talk about is anything related to Anna and Elsa! These are characters from the Disney movie Frozen. For your birthday we got you a book. You haven't put it down since you opened it. I love that about you. You cherish things and take care of them. 

Today we went to a nearby block party. You enjoyed bouncing in a bouncy house, getting a face paint of a butterfly princess, eating a hot dog, and playing a carnival game. I love that you have so much energy inside- you have been made just as you are by our great Creator and I'm certain you will do wonderful things for His glory. 

I love you baby girl! Thank you for this adventurous journey! 

{I want}

The "want" for what someone else has starts at a young age. My 13 month old and 3.5 yr old leave toys untouched until the other starts to play with it. Then suddenly it's the best thing and they must have it. 

Adults do this too. We see what someone else has and we want it. Bigger this. Better that. The newest. More of...

How do we get out of this unthankful habit? Perspective and remaining patient in the process. 

You are THREE

SP turned 3 last Saturday! Unbelievable how fast the time went. I made a dress for her to commemorate the occasion. :) Thank you SHY for walking me through it!

We enjoyed the day by going w a friend and her 3 yr old to the Brooklyn Botanic Garden, saw some pretty cherry blossoms, got yelled at for having a picnic blanket on the grass and for eating food from "the outside", mosy'ed on over to the Prospect Park Zoo and saw lots of fun animals. SP kept asking to see the kangaroo and then was super disappointed when we finally did because the kangaroo was too far away to really get a good glimpse. It's hard for a kid to understand why she can't go inside the roped off area. I tried.

After a full day we headed back home and she chose qdoba for her birthday dinner. They have a great kids meal. :)

This Saturday she'll celebrate her birthday w some of her friends at the local Y. A room w her friends, toys, and cupcakes should make for a very happy SP.

At three, you love singing songs (current favorite is "ring around the rosey" since you sing it weekly in swim class), voicing your opinions, eating all sorts of different foods, hugging didi, reading books, saying you want "E" in your name (thus, Sophie), helping Momma around the apt, playing w play-doh, and doing the opposite of what we ask.

I'm very thankful for our "village" of aiyi's and soosoo's who have watched her grow and experienced her life w us thus far. Please stay near us! We need all the eyes to help watch and hands to help guide our little miss. (And now our little man too.)

Tie a yellow ribbon

Being a momma takes balls of steel. And I don't have balls of steel. I do have an amazing all powerful God though which is even better.

Today at MOPS, I was reminded that in Him anything is possible. It really is.

We listened to a message from Christopher Yuan. He is a Taiwanese man who knew at the age of 9 that he was gay. He came out of the closet when he was 22 and shared the news with his parents. His mom gave him an ultimatum to choose his family or to choose his sexuality. He chose his sexuality. At that time his mom and dad also had a terrible marriage and were heading towards divorce. His mom decided to make one last trip to see Christopher before she killed herself but the day before she went to see him, she went to see a minister. This minister gave her a small pamphlet about how Jesus loves us in spite of our sins and how nothing we can do can make Him love us less. His mom read this pamphlet on the train ride to visit Christopher and gave her life to Christ. That day she also chose to love her son in spite of his sin.

Christopher was in dental school getting his doctorate when he started selling drugs. He was also living a life of promiscuity on the gay scene. When the school found out, he was expelled.

From there he continued to sell drugs and have numerous anonymous sexual partners. His mom would send him cards every other day filled with verses, sermons, and hymns that she liked. Each was signed, "love you forever". He never read them and threw them out.

His mother prayed a bold and specific prayer that Jesus would do whatever it took to bring her son to Him and that all his friends would desert him. This prayer was answered one day when the Feds and 2 search dogs knocked on his door. They brought him to a detention center where none of his friends answered his collect call. His last call was home and his mom answered, "son, are you ok?"

He was sentenced to 6 years in prison and it was there that he learned more abt Jesus. The last thing holding him back from giving his life over to Jesus was his homosexuality. It was who he was. His identity. Then he read the verse "be holy because I am holy"- that was life changing for him. He realized that God didn't say be heterosexual because I am heterosexual or be homosexual because I am homosexual. He said "be holy for I am holy". He then chose to give his life to Christ.

He felt called to seminary and in prison applied to Moody Bible Institute. He was accepted and a few months after being released from prison (they lessened his sentence to 3 yrs), he began. After finishing at Moody, he went to Wheaton and completed his graduate degree.

Christopher's mother fasted every Monday for 7 years for her son. One time she fasted for 39 days straight. She asked many people to pray on behalf of her son. She kept running after her son despite his constant rejection. This is as much her story as it is his.

At the end of his talk, he read the last chapter of his and his mom's book. He shared how his parents came to pick him up from prison and upon arriving at home he saw a yellow ribbon. As he opened the door he heard the song "tie a yellow ribbon". His mom said it was playing on repeat since they had left to get him. She wanted that to be the first thing he heard upon coming home. When he opened the front door, he saw tons of yellow ribbons in the room. Each had a message written by someone that had been praying for him all those years.

Amazing.

I was so encouraged by his mother who chose to love her son despite it all. I was reminded that it is God's kindness that leads us to repentance. Not His anger. Not His wrath. In the midst of having some tough times with my SP, I was challenged to pour out more grace, more love and more kindness upon her. I was also challenged to pray ever more fervently for her (and us) and to persevere.

His story touched and spoke to me as I'm sure it will for you.


*what I shared of Christopher's story is what I remember from this morning so some parts may not be fully accurate. I tried to relay the general idea of his points.

We are blessed

Today was a hard day. SP has been having a hard time listening to us and doing what we ask. I know she's just about 3 and it's normal developmentally appropriate behavior but it's exhausting for me when it's 24/7.

On our way to BSF this morning, I was given an important reminder. "The Lord has blessed you greatly." This came from an elderly sweet "grandpa" sort of man who helped SP sit in the seat beside him. He asked me where my parents were from as my non-accent indicated I was from the U.S. I said Taiwan and he said his daughter in law is from Taiwan. Then he said WAS. His shoulders shook as he said she died. I asked how she passed and he said during childbirth. It broke my heart. He said his son doesn't have a wife and his now 7 yr old grandson never had his mother. He said that he prays daily for his son to find another wonderful woman so he can have a wife and his grandson can have a mother. Each time he mentioned or thought of the situation, his shoulders shook and he teared up. It's been 7 yrs and his pain is so raw- it completely broke my heart and I teared alongside him.

He said I have beautiful children and that I have been blessed greatly. He said it's evident SP loves her momma. After the morning we had, my ears and heart needed to hear these words of encouragement. I wish I had mentioned that I would be praying for his family.

God knew what my heart needed. The message at BSF was also encouraging.

::
God has a wonderful plan for each of us. God is in control even in our worst circumstances. Persevere w prayer and in His word.

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you...plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
::

And since its been such a long time since I last wrote, here is a much more grown up SP (one month shy of 3!) w her 5 month old brother. How appropriate as today is National Sibling Day. Love the love.

hurricane sandy

last year it was hurricane irene. this year, it's hurricane sandy.

it's really surreal to have so many natural disasters coming through new york city. hurricane sandy is definitely stronger and worse than hurricane irene was. it's a bit nervewracking but overall, we are praying for God to keep us safe. currently it seems like there is a lot of flooding in battery park area as well as on the east and west parts of manhattan where the east river and the hudson are.

it's also nervewracking since as of today, i'm 39 weeks pregnant. baby can really make his appearance at any time and i'd rather not be outdoors during this mess of extremely gusty winds and torrential rain. i would need to get to the hospital at some point unless we have an unplanned homebirth with no midwife, ob or doula present. ack. preferably not. i know there are lots of sisters and brothers praying for me and this baby (to stay in!) so i will rest in God's plan for us and not overthink.

it's been quite some time since i've last written. sophia is nearly 2.5 years old and we had some rough patches some months back as she was testing limits and pushing every button possible. thankfully, overall it seems to be better - of course the testing will probably be a life long thing but i know it's an important part of her development as well as my honing to be a better mom and person who leans ever more on God. so i am trying to embrace it.

since september, sophia and i have been busy. each day, we go to one activity in the morning and 2x a week (3x every other week), i drop her off to a 'class' where she is separated from me. she always did so well with separation but i think she isn't liking the consistency of the drop off's this year. i thought it would be better but apparently she just feels more separated. she will still separate relatively easily but it does make me a little sad to hear her say, "mama,  baobao ni!!!" (which is her way of saying, mama, hold me!!!" over and over again. i've mastered the unemotional drop off and thankfully, she's adapted pretty well as well.  she seems to enjoy art class, swim class and storytime the most since we stay with her during those classes. :)

sophia personality is really emerging as well as she gets older. she's got quite the sense of humor and often laughs as herself and us. verbally and developmentally, she is growing leaps and bounds. i know everyone told me that would happen around this age - but it's still amazing to see it for myself. everything i've said to her in the past 2.5 years seems to have retained itself and whether it's mandarin, english or spanish, she's not repeating and saying it back to me. very fun times indeed!

with the arrival of baby boy, i'm anticipating a challenging time where we will all need to adjust and adapt. praying lots for SP to fall completely in love with her brother and want to help take care, etc but in reality feeling like there will be a few rough months.

time to post this before we lose power. praying for us all as hurricane sandy seems to be very angry. hopefully it will pass soon and leave most of us intact.

{handmade} sandpaper alphabet and number set

a friend asked if i would make a sandpaper alphabet and number set for her daughter as she wanted to use it to teach her daughter how to write letters and numbers. she got the idea from the montessori school. since i love doing {most} things art related, i said of course!

the process of sketching, cutting and taping ended up being rather tedious but i enjoyed the process and love the final product. i used an exact-o blade to do the cutting, double sided tape to stick the sandpaper to the front sheet and a colorful patterned cardstock for the back sheet panel. {wish i got a photo of the back too!}

nelno. alla. and tata.

today was an unseasonably warm winter day and we enjoyed it by going to the central park zoo and nearby playground. since we had only abt 10 minutes at the zoo before closing, sophia ate her snack while watching the sea lions jumping, diving and eating their own meal. then we walked over to the playground, met up with sophia's good friend and played some more. it was a good day.

sophia is nearly 21 months. she is communicating a lot more - still less verbal and more gestural/sign language. each morning she wakes up, calls for mama or baba (sometimes maba, and sometimes tata, who is jungles, her bestest monkey friend or nelno, aka elmo), nurses, goes on the potty (whether she pees or not is her choice and always a surprise to us), reads a few books (usually an alla, aka dora, book), brushes her teeth, eats breakfast and then is ready for the day. each day has an activity or two which helps provide some structure for her and sanity for me.

recently i've been working on the alphabet with her. she knows "O" and will find it and tell me where she sees it. i started playing a game with her that goes, "A" is for audrey, your very good friend. "B" is for baba, who loves you very much. "C" is for cyrus, you saw him today. "D" is for dora, she goes on fun adventures, "E" is for elmo, oh, how you love him, etc... (all the while singing the alphabet tune). it's amazing how she remembers things when she's 'connected' to them. now she will point out E for elmo, J for jungles, S for sophia, O, M for mama, B for baba, D for doo-chi (belly button) or dora.

during naptime and nighttime sleep, sophia always asks for nelno or tata. even though she knows she can't ever take nelno with her (cuz she plays with him too much by banging his plastic eyeballs against the crib) she will still ask each time. thankfully she quickly gives him a kiss and doesn't put up a fight when i say she can't take him. then she asks for tata. she loves tata so much. it's really adorable. her eyes light up and she makes me play this game she's been enjoying where tata's long arms cover his eyes, only to slowly come undone and jiggle towards her. she gets such a laugh from it.

ten things i love about you, my sweet SP.
{1} the way your eyes light up when you find something funny
{2} you doughy legs and chubby feet
{3} watching you sleep
{4} hearing you call 'mama' (over and over and over and over and over again)
{5} your big smile and loud chortle laugh
{6} the way your little legs (and arms) move so fast when you're running
{7} your love for YI
{8} your baobao (hugs) and ching ching (kisses)
{9} nursing time
{10} seeing you become gentler and kinder with your friends

and a proper blog entry isn't complete without some recent photos....

  

remembering...

the hurricane

a hurricane is coming our way. it feels surreal to me. as i watched our bathtub fill with water, i thought of the many natural disasters that happen around the world and the people that are affected.

i thought about hurricane katrina, about the aftermath and the many flooded homes. i remembered the oily soot on the floor of the home we demolished, the photo albums that were destroyed from the water, the mice and roaches that jumped out of the wall we broke down, the piles and piles of belongings that once meant something to someone, now unusable...

we're praying for mercy and for the hurricane to lose speed and head east into the water. pray with us knowing that our God is a powerful and merciful God.

you are one.

dear sophia,
you turned 1 yesterday! :) time has really flown by just as everyone said it would.

we were so happy to finally meet you!

i look at you and marvel at who you have become. sounds silly since you've only turned 1 but you've changed so much. in the beginning, you were so little (2 days past term and at a teeny 5lbs 11oz) and completely dependent on us. you looked like daddy, slept super well, nursed ok (though i thought 'never enough'), enjoyed observing everyone and were super mellow. in the early months, you made 'dinosaur' squeaks, slept with your hands in mid-air, spit up A LOT (sad), and often smiled in your sleep. your chubbiest ever was at 2 months when you were a whoppin' 18%! :) hehe. your cheeks were so full then and your legs had a few extra folds!

you always had so many different cute expressions within seconds of each other. mommy would snap away on the camera and would have 10 totally different photos within seconds. daddy always had so much fun looking at them too.

every day we read together. it's one of my favorite things to do with you. you used to stare at the photos, now you always turn the pages for us. mommy loves when you chuckle because you think something is funny.

you learned how to roll over, sit, crawl, pull up and walk while holding onto something. you started eating solids at 6 months and found much enjoyment in gaining ability of the pincer grasp. each day you seem to learn something new. it's exciting for mommy to see you develop each day.

there's so much more to say but mommy doesn't have time right now since your birthday party is on saturday and mommy has a few things to take care of! :)

we'll end with a few photos of some fun times you've recently had. we love you dear sophia.

at the playground. you are crawling and pulling up everywhere!

our first time at the conservatory garden in central park. :)

momma discovered something that you love to do!

we also realized that you LOVE doggies. this is shyla, the sharpae

oh, how you laughed so happily, esp when she licked your forehead!

at the brooklyn botanic gardens. to see the cherry blossoms. :)

back at the playground. you so enjoy this tic-tac-toe game.

i'm so confused. what happened to my daughter who loves to sleep? after a week of sleeping terribly, i thought sophia wanted to transition to 1 nap. we started fresh today by going out for a nice walk to the playground and i brought her back around 11 ready to implement this new plan. she seemed plenty tired but when i placed her into her crib at 11.40am (that's nearly 5 hrs of wake time which is not her norm), she did not go to sleep.

first she talked to herself and cried a little, then she sat up and scaled the crib bars. suddenly, she fell backwards and i heard the *thunk* of her head hitting the mattress and then some more cries. she proceeded to get up and is now half mumbling and half crying while up on her knees.

WHAT IS GOING ON? it's so frustrating to watch an extremely tired baby girl not go to sleep. it's also so frustrating to not know how to help her.

:(

transitioning from 2-1 naps

i never thought sophia would transition from 2 to 1 naps so early. she is 11.5 months and this past week she's been fighting her naps (and subsequently, bedtime) like mad. it drove me UP THE WALL since she normally sleeps so so so so well. it seemed she made a conscious decision on Tuesday to stop napping. WHAT???

looking online provided other accounts of similar experiences and made me realize that sophia, at 11.5 months may not be too young to transition over. it also gave me some hope that this is indeed what was happening to our previous sleep champ and not that she was just going to fight us for the hell of it.

on Tuesday, i put her down for her usual 1st nap at 915am and she cried til 1115, then slept til 12, when i woke her because the book i like says it's ok to wake them if you're trying to maintain their schedule. she refused her second nap which was at 250.

on Wednesday, i put her down for her usual 1st nap at 930am and she cried til 1130, then slept til 1250 when she woke on her own. friends had suggested i let her sleep as long as she wanted. instinctually, i knew this would be bad news for her 'schedule' but really, our schedule was not much of a schedule since she was rebelling all naps. i didn't put her down for her second nap since she wouldn't have slept and then it would have cut too close to bedtime.

on Thursday, i started really losing it. i put her down for her usual 1st nap at 930am (3 hrs after she woke on that day) and she cried for 2 hrs and then i finally picked her up since it became apparent that either she wasn't going to nap at all or she would nap but would miss her lunch and any play time for the day. i was so upset. we went out for lunch since i thought the fresh air would do us both good, got her back and put her down for her '2nd' nap at 145. she fell asleep so quickly - i thought it was magic and was so thankful for the peace and a sleeping baby. she slept for 2 hrs and then woke but when i went to get her, she started crying. in past times, this means that she's not ready to be picked up. still, i was already in her room so i picked her up. she continued to fuss and cry so i just put her back in her crib and within a few minutes, she was back asleep. she slept til 440pm, when i decided it was time to make some noise and wake her up since i had to preserve her bedtime.

this is when i really started to think that maybe our sophia was asking for just 1 longer nap. it didn't really make sense since she still seemed tired and ready for a nap in the morning hr (aka 1st nap) but she wasn't taking it. still, i had to try one more time.

so, on Friday (today), i put her down at 1015am (my logic being that maybe she just needed a little more wake time in the a.m.) and she just sat in her crib and talked and cried until i picked her up at 1140am. again, i was seething and not understanding why she didn't just nap when it seemed she wanted to nap. we ate lunch and i put her down at 110pm. she fell asleep shortly after. and she's waking now, at 320pm.

hopefully this entry will bring light to another mommy struggling to figure out why the sudden change in her child's sleep routine. when did your child transition from 2-1 naps and how did you know this was what was happening?

our trek to bay ridge, brooklyn ::

today, sophia and i went to her buddy's 1st birthday party. it was a beautiful day in new york and after her first nap, we ate lunch and then were on our way. the party was in bay ridge which is abut 1.5 hrs away from our home.

i am amazed by our little sophia. God has given us a baby girl with such a mellow and sweet temperament.

on the subway, she smiled and giggled with people and imitated their hand motions and head bobbles. when we crossed the bridge from nyc to brooklyn, she gazed out the window, her eyes filled with curiosity. when we arrived at my friend's apartment, she played on the ground by herself and had numerous 'conversations' with the other guests. my heart is filled with love for my baby girl.

wordless wednesday.

give . every . day

there's a blog i ran into called give every day. a mama, whom i found via the internet world, and her family have pledged to: spend intimate, quantity (yes, they intentionally wrote "quantity"- read to find out what they mean) time with each other, to actively help the poor, the sick, the lonely and the helpless, to value protect and advocate for children, to de-emphasize the importance of "stuff" in their lives, to bring publicity to good causes and good people, to live with intentionality, as if this year were their very last, to observe the needs in their community/our country - and then do something about them, and to give - every day. when i first heard of this, they were in the midst of selling their home and nearly all their belonging in prep for this journey.

now, they are on day #48. it's amazing to read of their life and see that they are truly living fully with real purpose for Him. i love their answer to the question "what compels you to do this?" their answer is the hope that we have in Jesus. can i get an AMEN!

calvin and i were just saying last night how easy it is to fall into the cultural norm of wanting more. more of everything. we are extremely blessed to have a comfortable home with plenty of food, clothes and luxuries and yet, it's so easy to look around and see what we don't have. or what we want more of. it's a dangerous mindset to have for so many reasons of which i won't go into now. more importantly, it's a mindset that i don't want to own because i know that these things do not matter because this world is only temporary.

i am inspired by the scheaffers, by their pledge and by the fact that they are actually living out true lives of sacrifice and purpose all for His glory. i don't think calvin, sophia and i would ever have the balls to do something like this but you never know.... in Him, lots of things are done that were once believed impossible. in the meanwhile, spending more time with the Lord and in His Word and reading what the scheaffers are up to will hopefully begin the heart transformation i desire within.

{HELP JAPAN} every little bit helps

100% of all proceeds from your purchase via my etsy shop will go to relief efforts in Japan via Samaritan's Purse - Japan Relief Project.

every little bit helps.

sick sophia

sophia woke up this evening crying. our philosophy is to leave her because she knows how to soothe herself. after a little while, she was still crying somewhat hard which is unusual for her. i decided to go in and our poor sweet pea had snot running down her nose and had spit up on her arm and the crib sheet. i felt so bad having waited so long. note to self: trust my instincts. if i had, i would've gone in much earlier and she wouldn't have had to smell her own nastiness with snot running out of her nose. my poor baby.

in better thoughts: sophia is blossoming. in just one week, she went from only knowing how to push herself backwards to dragging her body forwards with mostly the use of her arms and some legs. she has also become much better at standing while holding onto something. all very adorable for parents to witness. she is also getting her 7th tooth which is likely the reason for the running nose.

sophia at 10 months

much to our delight, sophia is finally standing with her feet securely on the ground.
previously, she only stepped on her tippy tippy toes. :) cute but not practical.

pray for kate

please continue to pray for kate. for those who are new here, the short of it is that kate is a 7 year old girl who has a brain tumor. she seemed to be on the recovery and then on february 1st 2011, an MRI showed 2 new lesions. a PET scan was done and unfortunately, the lesions were found to be cancerous.

her mom has a blog which is updated regularly. prayer is all i can think to do.

please join me and pray for her and her family.

new york city with a {baby}

my eyes carry a different perspective now that i have a little sophia in tow. when i walk the streets, i see other moms (and nannies) with carriers or strollers and give them a smile. when i am in restaurants, i am astonished at the lack of high chairs (or broken high chairs) and/or booster seats. i frequent the zoo and playgrounds in central park that in my 9+ years of new york living have not been to. i've learned of fun things for sophia (and me) to participate in - the recreation center has open play time, fao schwarz and the new york public library have story time, etc. it's a whole different city!

in central park on a beautiful february day.

photo taken by a fellow mommy friend.