{ emotions }

today i am feeling sad. i went to my doctor's appt in the early am and met with the last doctor in the practice. she's got the least "warm" bedside manner of the 4 doctor's in the practice and she said, "your baby is VERY small", which really didn't make me feel better since she didn't offer me help in how to make baby bigger. she also commented that i am high risk... now that certainly didn't feel good.

next i headed over to my hospital visit where i was to get the biophysical profile and the non-stress test. my spirit was a bit dampened already since the doctor wasn't encouraging regarding baby's size and then baby apparently didn't really feel like being monitored so i had to stay for quite some time with the nurse (who is nice) every so often roughly shaking my belly to make baby wake up. even though there was nothing wrong with what she was doing and normally i don't think i would've been too bothered, today it made me very sad. i was saddened that baby needed to be monitored so much when just 1.5 weeks ago all was well and things seemed perfectly normal and fine. the biophysical profile was fine. everything seems to be okay there according to the sonographer and reading doctor. i am thankful for the good news. i thought we'd get another reading on baby's size but i was informed that they do weight readings every 2 weeks so baby has time to grow.

i prayed a lot to God to lift my spirits because i would start tearing just thinking about all the tests baby has to go through. so many ultrasounds and being monitored by the fetal monitor in the coming weeks. and being pushed and jostled so she would "pass" these tests. i also wanted my spirits lifted because if i'm sad, then baby may feel my sadness and i didn't want that. last week i felt fine - maybe the emotional burden of all of this has just started to hit me more.

please pray that baby continues to gain weight and that in a week or so when we check her weight, that she has put on enough poundage to make us no longer high risk and higher than the 10th percentile in weight. we really appreciate your prayers and know that God hears them.

{prayers answered}

thanks for all the support and prayers. we felt so blessed and supported by the community around us. 

an update: 

we went to the hospital this morning to get the biophysical profile (i.e. an in depth ultrasound) and a non-stress test. baby passed both with flying colors. baby is estimated at 4lbs 14oz which is abt 1 lb smaller than the average at this point. that felt okay to me since i'm pretty small as well. also, it's just an estimate, which honestly i hear is often very incorrect. we checked the amt of nutrients and oxygen going through the umbilical cord and that looked good. and baby's heartbeat and movements were very strong which made me very happy.

all this is good news, however, because of baby's small size, the doctor at the hospital wanted me to come back 2x a week til baby is born. they'll be monitoring baby and making sure baby gains weight and continues to look strong. that along with our weekly doctor's office means a lot of visits but i guess it works out okay since friday is my last day of work before maternity leave! and all this is for baby so i will do it willingly.

the photo above is from the non-stress test. the squigly line up top is baby's heartbeat. very steady which is great! the little music note like dots underneath is baby's movement which is very frequent, another good sign. the line at the bottom is my uterus contracting... i didn't even realize my uterus was contracting at all, so that was a bit interesting!

::
in other wonderful news, my friend gave birth to a healthy baby boy at 7lbs and 7oz. i had the awesome privilege of being with her as she labored for numerous hrs in our apt. it really is perfect how my appt this morning took so long that it wasn't worth it to go to work and then she needed a place to labor so she could be at the hospital for as short a time as possible... for me, it was wonderful to be a part of her laboring process even as i did nothing and tried to be as quiet and out of the way as possible. it was great to experience labor with her and see how she handled it. it gave me great hopes for my own laboring process and made me believe i could do it too. i am so proud of you becky!!! you and daddy did such a great job.

{prayers requested}

today we went to the doctor for our weekly visit. we're at 36.5 weeks. the doctor was concerned about baby's size saying that baby is smaller than the size expected for the EDD. she is a very laid back doctor (almost like a midwife with medical training) so when she exhibits concern, i definitely start feeling some anxiety. she based her concern on 2 factors.

1. the measurement of my {pubic bone to fundus} is smaller than it was at last weeks visit. it measured at 32 this week (last week was 34 or 35) and typically this measurement corresponds to the gestational week you are at. i have always measured somewhat smaller so i believe her concern is because the number went down instead of staying the same or going up.

2. my weight gain recently hasn't been as much as she thinks it should be. she said she doesn't care if i gain weight or not but if baby's not gaining weight then there is a problem. darn! and i eat so much these days too.

we were instructed to make an appt with the hospital for an ultrasound to measure baby's EFW (estimated fetal weight). i don't really get why we couldn't just do that at her office - all i can guess is that the technology at the hospital is more accurate.

when i start thinking too much about all of this, it's a bit scary . but we're really trying to remember our wonderful God in all this. He made baby and loves baby greatly. all we can do is focus on that and keep praying for baby's safety, health and growth! grow, little one, grow!

we'd love your prayers.

pediatricians

wow. who knew it would be so hard to find a pediatrician? i thought i was so ahead of the game (i'm due in a month), yet nearly all the pediatrician offices i called are either fully booked and not accepting new patients or they're booked til after my due date. all i wanted was a prenatal visit to see if the doctor and practice melded with our needs and philosophy. poop.

baby love

the top sonogram was at 9+wks when we first saw baby dancing and the tiny grey pulsing heartbeat.

the bottom sonogram was at the 20wk anatomy scan where we saw all of baby's essential parts and were informed that baby is a girl. {we'll see for real on birth day!} her thumb is near her mouth and her legs look like skinny chicken legs. :)

tomorrow we will be heading to the first of our weekly doc appt's, get tested for group b strep, and find out baby's positioning. {oh baby, please be (and stay in) head down!}

and....

happy birthday to the sweetest and cutest nephew ever! :) he is ONE today. time really does fly (maybe less so for my sis and BIL). but i can't believe he's already one. he's so sweet and laughs all the time... also, whines when he doesn't get what he wants or maybe when he can't express to others what he wants - but oh, how i wish we were closer so i could squeeze his cuteness and hug the chubs. everywhere he's got chubs! :) so happy birthday to you, my dear. i hope you give mommy and daddy a break today! :)

getting there.... week 35

we've hit week 35. it's really fun as baby is getting bigger by the day. as you can see by the photo above, the belly is stretching and expanding. she no longer gives those swift kicks that signified her presence. now she squirms and slides under my belly because space is a rare commodity. kind of like prime real estate in nyc. :) i wish i knew how to upload a video. i've got a great one of baby gliding across my belly. it's a bit alien-esque and some find it weird/creepy but i love it!

the second photo is of a yummy panini meal at a cute little place called fig + olive. we went there when my sister came into town to surprise me for my baby shower. and what a surprise it was... seeing her brought quite the delight and it made a fun day even more special. i always say this but sisters should always live within at least 1 mile of each other. not this nonsense of opposite coasts.

my etsy boutique has been placed quite on the back burner - not so much because of the preggo-cy but more so because of the job i started back in august 09. i guess the new job in addition to the 1st trimester comatose exhaustion didn't bring about inspiration and creativity. we'll see what happens when baby arrives. i am still creating custom requested pieces so if you are interested, please don't be deterred! :) just contact me by going to the "my shop" link to the right. :)

week 31.5 ::

baby is about 3.25 lbs and 16 inches long. :) she's heading into a growth spurt and i should be gaining 1 lb per week - half of that going to baby's overall weight. wow! 

in other news, my friend is in labor RIGHT NOW! if you're reading this, please say a prayer for her contractions to move along productively and for labor to progress as naturally as possible. it must be because i am heading down this path myself, but i am jumping up and down inside with excitement and some apprehension! when it's my turn, i better keep the adrenaline at bay so the oxytocin can come forth and do its very important work.