{introducing Sophia Paige}

hello all!

it's been awhile since the last post. baby, aka Sophia Paige made her entrance into the world on May 4, 2010 at 6.28pm. she weighed 5lbs 11oz and measured 18.5". we are happily exhausted these days which is why this post is so delayed. sorry! but i did want you all to know that baby is out and about and thankfully, healthy! thank you so much for your prayers.

free time is so rare these days and i'm in need of a nap right now so i will be back (hopefully in a few days) to share the birth story! :)

blessings...

{week 40 and 2 days - induction)

did i ever mention how much i hate roller coasters? i've never liked the up and down, the stomach jumping to throat feeling, the risk related to being thrown every which way but belted in at the chest and waist.

well, this morning was quite the roller coaster ride. first came the doctor's appt at 9.30am. baby, who has been head down since week 32 was suddenly slightly off center. it was rather concerning because after all this time of monitoring baby's small size and all, i hadn't thought abt the possibility of her head not being down and centered. thousands of thoughts ran through my mind and i had a good cry.

at 1.30pm, i had the hospital appt. this appt was to measure the baby's weight as well as have the non-stress test (NST). the sonographer did the ultrasound and the news wasn't positive. baby measured 5lbs 13oz. that's the exact same weight as 2 weeks ago. we were informed that baby could gain up to 1 lb every 2 weeks. my already completely overwhelmed emotional state began to deteriorate. one humongously good thing was that baby's head was back centered and down. the head obstetrician came to speak to me and he decided on immediate induction.

i went upstairs to the 12th floor where i signed in and waited for a labor room. during that time, i called all the necessary people and shed a few more tears. all the while praying, asking for His peace and trying to stabilize myself for the road ahead.

a room was provided by 3pm. i ate my last meal for quite some time at 3.30pm. what was it, you're wondering? boston market! i love that place and we, fortunately have one very close to the hospital. :) cervidil, the induction medication was given at 5.50pm. now we're just waiting and praying for labor to begin. cervidil will stay in for 12 hrs and if labor progresses, i can labor and have baby. if cervidil doesn't do anything after 12 hrs, pitocin will be administered. we really really don't want to go there if possible, so please pray with us that the cervidil will do the trick and that labor will begin on its own.

according to the monitors, i am contracting but it doesn't really hurt so i'm guessing they're still braxton hicks contractions. they are rather consistent though so we can think positive thoughts that it is the start of real labor.

please pray with us.
1. baby is safe and healthy. we're not sure why she didn't gain weight. the sonographers measurements are likely off so we just pray for God's hand to be over baby and for baby to be well developed and without any problems.
2. for the cervidil to work and for labor to begin as we hope to avoid the crazy induction drug called pitocin.
3. peace in our hearts and spirits. God's plan is perfect - but it's still hard at times to let go of everything we've hoped for and desired. for our faith to be strengthened through all of this.
4. that baby's head would remain down and centered as we'll need that if any pushing is to occur.
5. for the doctor's and nurses we encounter. that they would see our love for Jesus and that we could show them this love. also that they would genuinely care about us and try to give us their highest level of care. that they would know what they're doing and not jump to do anything rash.

thank you all for your prayers! as always, we know how powerful your prayers are and appreciate them.

oh btw... i'm feeling much better emotionally. i think throughout the day God really granted me some peace and stability of mind. thank goodness. now i'm not tearing at every second!

{week 39-40}

my parents arrived last Sunday. days have been filled with spending quality time with them, eating wonderful home cooked meals from my mommy and taking strolls in Central Park. the weather has gotten so lovely! :)

as the due date has come and gone i went through a day of feeling extreme internal pressure and anxiety. "how come baby didn't want to come out?", i thought... thankfully, after praying about it, God gave me much peace and now i'm just enjoying the last bits of free time before baby arrives. we're ready for you sweet little one but we will be patient until you are ready. or until God says you're ready. :D

{ playing while anticipating }

baby oh baby, when will you make your appearance? mommy and daddy are excited to meet you! we shall be patient and wait until you are ready. here is your room -- all ready for you. :)

since we weren't sure if we were going to be induced on Monday, last weekend i had a sudden urge to take some 'final' photos of my belly. as you can tell, i'm very nostalgic. here is belly at week 38. she certainly looks bigger to me! :)

our doula brought us some lovely smelling and pretty lilacs. they sure brighten up our space! :) thanks mk.

lastly, tonight we enjoyed attending a spring benefit for the private school i used to work at. this year it was held at the diane von furstenberg studio in the meatpacking district. lovely space. great food. free drinks. nice time chatting with friends. good times.

{blessings}

update:
baby gained 1 lb since 12 days ago! that meant we didn't need to get induced yesterday and we can continue on with growing baby inside and just wait for natural labor to begin. at 38+ weeks, baby is estimated at 5lbs 13oz and that is a good place for us! i told my doctor that i had upped my protein intake in hopes of helping baby girl grow and she said that i shouldn't do that because it only adds onto my weight and not baby's weight since my normal nutrition is def adequate enough to feed the placenta that feeds baby. phew. :) what a relief. now i can stop trying to overeat on the protein front!

over the weekend, when we were contemplating the idea of induction and of meeting our baby girl super soon, we went from slight apprehension to eager anticipation. yesterday when we were informed of no induction (yay! definitely a good thing), a small part of my heart was disappointed that i wouldn't yet get to meet baby gal. but i know that day isn't far so i quickly bounced back and got to spend some quality time with a few friends. :D

baby is hiccuping and kicking right now so my guess is she's saying hi to you all and thanking you for praying for her, mommy-to-be, and daddy-to-be. we thank you as well. the past two weeks reminded us of the importance of being surrounded by a supportive and praying community. we love you all. :)

{baby update}

we've felt so blessed by all the support and prayers for us and baby. thank you!

here is an update:
i spoke with my doctor today. she said that on monday when i get the ultrasound estimating baby's weight, if baby hasn't gained at least one pound (the last weight estimated was 4lbs 14oz 12 days ago), she is going to send me directly back to the hospital for induction (meaning they will use drugs to make my labor begin). initially i felt alarmed at the immediacy of that idea but i completely agree that if they feel that baby is at risk for some reason, for example, "why is baby not gaining weight appropriately, esp in these last weeks when babies typically gain lots of weight", then i also want baby out. i am 38 weeks tomorrow so there is no reason to really wait if they feel something isn't right.

the harder part to reconcile for myself is that i really wanted a natural birth and with induction (pitocin drugs) and being continuously monitored (because of baby's small size), it will be SO MUCH harder to do that since the contractions will be so much stronger/intense and i won't be able to walk at all or move around as much due to the continuous monitoring... i had also really hoped for no drugs (whether epidural or pitocin because all these things reach baby and i didn't want baby drugged) so that's a bit unexpected and makes me remember that i really need to let go and be flexible with how things will go because it's all in God's plan.

all this to say that we'd love your prayers - i believe that God can fatten baby up if He wants to so that is what we'll ask for.

please pray:
1. that baby fattens up so much more than we can hope and that it's a miracle how much growth she's had thus allowing labor to start as it will on its own (but of course not too much growth since we don't want her humongous).
2. that the sonographer on monday would be accurate in her estimate of baby's weight since her measurement will decide a lot.
3. that we would fully trust our doc's recommendations and feel at peace with whatever decisions are made on monday.
4. that even if there is pitocin and continuous monitoring - for a smooth and uncomplicated labor, even "easy", in relative terms of course.
5. that calvin and i are emotionally prepped and that we will fully rest in His plan for us and baby.

there's probably so much more i would love prayer for but please pray as you feel led since i can't think of it all and can't possibly state it as clearly as i would want to. lots of different things are running through my head right now.

overall, i feel okay. i randomly feel panicky as it's all so unpredictable and come monday morning, so much will be revealed. so, pray with us please! :) thank you.

{ emotions }

today i am feeling sad. i went to my doctor's appt in the early am and met with the last doctor in the practice. she's got the least "warm" bedside manner of the 4 doctor's in the practice and she said, "your baby is VERY small", which really didn't make me feel better since she didn't offer me help in how to make baby bigger. she also commented that i am high risk... now that certainly didn't feel good.

next i headed over to my hospital visit where i was to get the biophysical profile and the non-stress test. my spirit was a bit dampened already since the doctor wasn't encouraging regarding baby's size and then baby apparently didn't really feel like being monitored so i had to stay for quite some time with the nurse (who is nice) every so often roughly shaking my belly to make baby wake up. even though there was nothing wrong with what she was doing and normally i don't think i would've been too bothered, today it made me very sad. i was saddened that baby needed to be monitored so much when just 1.5 weeks ago all was well and things seemed perfectly normal and fine. the biophysical profile was fine. everything seems to be okay there according to the sonographer and reading doctor. i am thankful for the good news. i thought we'd get another reading on baby's size but i was informed that they do weight readings every 2 weeks so baby has time to grow.

i prayed a lot to God to lift my spirits because i would start tearing just thinking about all the tests baby has to go through. so many ultrasounds and being monitored by the fetal monitor in the coming weeks. and being pushed and jostled so she would "pass" these tests. i also wanted my spirits lifted because if i'm sad, then baby may feel my sadness and i didn't want that. last week i felt fine - maybe the emotional burden of all of this has just started to hit me more.

please pray that baby continues to gain weight and that in a week or so when we check her weight, that she has put on enough poundage to make us no longer high risk and higher than the 10th percentile in weight. we really appreciate your prayers and know that God hears them.